false alarm. still invincible.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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