just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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