the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
even my farts smell like vagina
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
