There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
