She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
