Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
