Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
