I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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