Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
