Heybabeimwearingurpanties
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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