I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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