It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
