Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I am one with the molecules
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
