Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
