too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Someone signed my nipple.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
