I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
