I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
