We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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