i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
