There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
