all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
