I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
