we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
