I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You're like the curious george of whores
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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