Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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