Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
