You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
