I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
