Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
