u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
