i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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