You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
