So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
