Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
