Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
