I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
