Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
