The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
