Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
