Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
