I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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