Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
