we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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