I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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