i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
