Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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