Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
