we have pet lesbian snakes
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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