Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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