we have officially mastered the walk of shame
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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