our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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