WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
