im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dicks are not precious.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
