my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
