New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
